Heartache and Pain, Hope and Love
by FanFicy456
Summary: Through pain sometimes comes hope. - OC x Rick .
1. Chapter 1 - Gwen

I sat with my face in my hands, listening to Rick cry. The sound of his hurt only caused my tears to fall harder. I looked up at Carl, face nearly blank, and yet full of sorrow. We all knew what he had do have done. I look at Maggie, cradling the small newborn in her arms. Maggie, covered in blood looks back at me, lip quivering, eyes full of tears.

Everyone is speechless.

We took on many a loss today. T-Dog, Carol, and now Lori.

I look back to Rick laying on the ground, wailing. Carl and the others head inside; time to clean the baby, time to forget our losses, time to go on living - the way we've always done. I get up and walk over to him.

"Rick-" I lightly say. He doesn't answer, and instead continues to lay in the same position, calling for his wife.

Tears fall once more as I sit beside my best friend's husband, my silent cries matching his loud. Everything is quiet, even the walkers around the prison. Rain falls hard on the two of us, setting the gloomy mood in place.

* * *

"Just go over and talk to him if you like him so much!" Lori had pushed me along.

I stared at the figure in front of me. He was probably about 5'9, wearing dark jeans and a faded green tshirt. He was talking to his friend, laughing and smiling at something he had said. He had a gorgeous bright smile, and light blue eyes to match. Short dark hair and broad shoulders complimented him altogether. I didn't know his name, only that I had seen him around a few times, and it was always the same thing - he'd smile at me, and I'd smile back and blush.

"What if I look like crap?" I said.

My long brown hair was tied in a loose bun at the nape of my neck, I was wearing a short, flowing purple dress, and my light tan cowboy boots. I was short, just about 5'1, and had a tiny stature altogether. I had hazel eyes and apparently, the kind of 'perfect' lips you would only read about in a book, or hear about in a song. Alright, I was cute. My dress, my hair, my face - boom - I was looking good. Great, really. But I just couldn't bring myself to go talk to him. What if he didn't like me?

I voiced my though aloud. "What if he doesn't like me?"

"What's not to like?" Lori asked, raising her eyebrow.

She was pretty, her long brown hair almost mirroring my own, she just had more curl to hers. She usually left hers down, as she proved tonight. Dressed in a blue sundress a little longer than mine, and wearing a pair of black sneakers, she looked pretty. She went light on the makeup, as we usually both did - eyeliner and mascara, enough to make our brown eyes pop, and light blush across our cheeks. Lori chose a pink shade tonight, and although she did almost appear childish in a sense, she was gorgeous.

I shrugged my shoulders. She mocked me and laughed. "Get going, Gwen." She gave me a push, sending me sprawling across the shag rug laying on the floor. I landed on my face, and turned to glare at her, when I saw she was gone. Probably off with Jeff somewhere, meeting the various dudes he always introduced her to, but she never took interest in.

"Are you alright?"

Turning around I see Mr Baby Blues crouching beside me, hand extended to help me up. I can feel my face becoming flushed as he smiles at me. Lori was dead when we got back to her place. Thanks for the embarrassment, bestie.

"Yeah, I'm fine - tripped was all." I muttered. Surprisingly, over the roar of the music, he'd heard me.

"I can see that." He pulled me up and smiled.

"I've seen you around before, haven't I?"

I nodded. "And you never say hello!" I say playfully, starting to feel relaxed with him.

He smirks. "Neither do you - what's your name?"

"Gwen."

"You gon' introduce us?" His friend asks from behind me.

"Gwen - this is Shane. Shane - Gwen."

Shane is a little taller than Rick, a bit more tan too. At least I think, it's dark, so it's kind of difficult to tell. This guy's in a black tshirt and light wash jeans. He's cute, but in a harder way. He extends his arm, "Nice to meet you, baby."

"Likewise." I smile. Not my type, but nice.

The three of us break into a conversation; the two are enrolling to be on the local police force, and I'm almost done school - have a potential reporter job lined up in the fall. The whole time Rick stares at me and smiles. I decide I like him a lot and I think maybe the feeling is mutual. Something behind me catches his eye though, and he mutters a quick apology before leaving Shane and I alone.

"So what made you want to be a cop?"

"I wanna help people, you know? I know I have a badass exterior, but I'm a big ol' softie, girl." He winks at me and I laugh. He is a really nice guy.

Rick soon returns, Jeff and Lori at his side. It takes a second for me to register exactly what's going on. _Oh no. _

"This is my brother Jeff, and Lori, his friend." He says motioning to my best friend.

"Lori and I are best friends." I say looking at Lori.

"Oh! I know you, Gwen!" Jeff says matter-of-factly.

Jeff soon leaves Lori, Rick, Shane and I behind, and we converse like we'd known each other forever. I excused myself to get up to go to the bathroom, and Lori follows me, reminding the boys to stay put.

"Rick is great!" She squeals when we enter the bathroom. I nod, seeing she is smitten with him.

"And I told you! I knew he'd love you! He can't keep his eyes off of you." My heart begins to beat faster, thinking she's talking about Rick. "Shane's a really nice guy too - you guys have to go out!"

_She thinks I'm into Shane_. I think, heart sinking. She continues to go on and on about Rick - the way I would if she hadn't met him. Of all the guys Jeff introduced her too, why was this the one she wanted? Who am I kidding, she'd be crazy if she hadn't!

We're about to walk out of the bathroom when I think she should know it was Rick I liked. "Lori-"

"Yeah?" She looked at me, eyes full of excitement, and smiled.

"Nothing." I smile back. _She can have this one. It is just one guy. _

We walk out and join the boys once more._ Maybe I can forget Rick, and maybe Shane can help_. I take a spot next to Shane on the couch and listen to him talk. But my heart sinks when I see Rick put his arm around Lori's shoulders.

* * *

Their dates turn into a relationship. A relationship turns into marriage. Marriage into baby Carl.

Rick, Lori, Shane and I all continue to be friends through it all. But friendships may bud something else - love.

I was in love with my best friend's husband, through it all.


	2. Chapter 2 - Gwen

"Well, what did he say?"

Hershel stood in front of me, worry evident. "There was a voice on the phone."

I close my eyes and rub my temples with one hand. "Seriously?"

"I'm sorry." Hershel puts his hand on my shoulder.

I hear his offbeat step as he leaves my cell. "Oh Rick.." I whisper. I feel my tears begin to build, but I choke them back and begin to pace. Staring only at my feet, I don't hear when another member of the group enters.

"You're going to put a hole in the floor, you keep pacing like that." Glenn.

He must see the look on my face, worry, stress and pain all across it.

"I haven't seen you try and eat all day," He says. "Here." He reaches out, small bag of dried fruit in hand. I decline.

"I can't, Glenn. Not with him like this."

He nods, and I wonder if he really sees how much I care for Rick - if anyone does. I'd always hid it so well, I didn't think it was too evident right now.

"Did he hurt you?"

"No." He says, looking down to his feet, then back again at me. "He's not in a good place right now."

"Maybe I should talk to him?"

"No way!" Answers a voice from the door way.

We turn and see Maggie, cradling the baby girl, all cleaned up. "You said he isn't in a good place, he almost hurt you - what if-"

"I've known Rick for years. He's one of my best friends - maybe telling me what's going on will help him."

She looks unconvinced.

"Maggie, she's right - I know you don't want anyone getting hurt, but she may be what he needs." Glenn chimes in.

"Okay." She shoots one more concerned glance my way, and walks out. Glenn mirrors her, doing the same.

_Here I go. _

* * *

Stepping over corpses of the undead, I enter the boiler room, where I see Rick sitting, looking defeated. His back is to me, but I can imagine his face - sad, lost; pained. I bite my lip, wondering if maybe it is better for me to leave him to grieve. I decide it isn't. She was my friend too, and now she's gone. She was like a sister to me.

"Rick?" I call softly.

He turns slowly, his face going from the way I imagined it, to something else - something I can't explain. Recognition, maybe?

"Can I come sit with you?"

He nods, warily. _Why is he looking at me like that?_ His eyes are bloodshot from crying, and red rimmed; the way I'm sure mine are. He's covered in blood, and why wouldn't he be - the way he cleared out the walkers in this area.

"I don't understand." He says quietly.

I look at him - still so handsome even covered in dirt and blood; even looking so sorrowful. My heart aches for him and what he's lost; what I've lost. My tears begin to fall again.

"Shhh." He whispers as he begins to approach me. "I'm here." He wraps his arms around me, comforting me and I wonder why he's the one comforting me. He pulls back and starts to wipe away my tears.

"Don't cry - it's okay. Nothing happened to me."

I stare at him confused. "Rick?"

"I know how worried you were, but I made it out of there with just a scratch - really."

"What? Rick-"

He continues going on, and I realize he's talking about the time he did a stakeout and got caught, resulting in a fight with the criminal, and Rick getting a few stitches after being cut with a knife. Not only had I covered it on the local news, but I was with him and Lori when he was getting stitches - she was pregnant with Carl at the time and it scared it stiff.

He places his finger over my lips and before I can say anything, quickly replaces it with his soft lips, gentle kiss playing.

I'm mesmerized instantly. _This is what it feels like. _I think as my heart pounds. He holds my face with one hand, and brushes my hair back with the other. His lips move softly, barely brushing mine; slow and romantic. I feel selfish and awful though, knowing his wife has just passed away and here I am hungry for this accidental kiss. On top of that, he's reliving something that happened years ago, and seeing me as Lori. Before I can pull away, he stop abruptly.

"Oh God-" He says, placing a hand over his mouth. "What - Gwen? I-"

He realized I wasn't her, and he looks confused.

"You started talking about her - well to her; seeing me as her." I whispered.

"I kissed you?"

I meet his gaze and I see he hates himself. It would almost sting if I didn't hate myself more.

I nod.

"I'm sorry, Gwen. I heard her on the phone - she said she loved me .."

"She did, Rick."

"I was awful to her."

"She cheated on you. You were hurt. She understood."

"I should have been there for her - for this, maybe I could have saved her." He presses the bridge of his nose, and kicks the bloated corpse on the ground hard.

"The baby?" He asks.

"She's doing great. Glenn and Maggie are supposed to go on a run for her soon. She's beautiful, Rick."

"Just like Lori?"

"She looks exactly like her."

We sit in silence, and I find my gaze landing on his lips. I hate myself even more when I can't deny that I loved the way they felt. He kissed me so softly, so lovingly, and that was all I ever wanted deep down was his love. Of course I couldn't have it, and now, I'm really not worth it.

"I want to see my daughter." He whispers. He begins to walk by me, and stops before he can pass me. He wraps his strong arms around me in a loose hug.

"I'm sorry, Gwen." He says after pulling away and looking me in the eyes. His blue eyes still leave me breathless.

I nod and he leads the way to not only the baby girl, but to the days to come.

* * *

_FanFic456 here, thanks for the feedback so far! I hope you guys like this one! ;)  
And remember, I have another story called Rick's Revenge. It's a quickie, but a gooder. Read away my faithfuls! Loves!_


	3. Chapter 3 - Gwen

"Rick!"

I look up to the tower, calling his name.

"He won't come down."

Carl pushed past me and went to climb up the ladder.

"Why?"

"It's just where he goes to think. You want him, climb up." He replied grouchily.

I looked at the young boy as he disappeared up the top of the tower. He was always such a good kid, and he still was - he was just lost. Rick was trying harder to get through to him, especially since the survivors from Woodbury came to live with us. He hadn't agreed with it, and showed it in more way than body language. I wish he were able to be a kid again - and I think back to what he did the day his mother died, what he had to do to stop her from becoming a walker; my heart sinks. I sigh and begin to climb up.

"Rick?" I call out once I reach the top of the ladder, and although he doesn't have to, I suppose the southern gentleman comes out in him, as he helps me up.

He looks at me, waiting for me to speak.

"I'm here to relieve you of duty." I say, hand on my hip.

"Is anyone taking over for Carl?" He asks, glancing back at the boy.

"I don't need anyone to 'take over' for me." Carl growls.

Rick shoots him a look and the boy stomps over to the ladder and climbs down, pouting.

"I don't know what I'm gonna do with him." Rick says.

"He's getting into his teen years - remember what you were like?" I ask, genuinely curious.

He laughs, and rubs the back of his neck. "I try to forget."

I smile. "Well, like father like son."

He returns my smile, and in the blooming sunset, his eyes seem to pierce my heart.

It had been a while since Lori had passed, and Rick and I had grown closer in our friendship. What he still didn't know what even the simplest gesture of a smirk and nod would make my heart pound. I knew it was ridiculous, what would he ever see in me? There was the time, years ago when I thought maybe he saw something, but my hopes were diminshed when Lori came into the picture.

"So, you never answered my question." He says.

"Oh - watch duty - it's just me tonight."

"I'll get Daryl to come out."

"Daryl's got the other side of the prison, he's guarding there, remember?"

"Shit. Carol?"

"She's got kitchen duty."

"Glenn?"

"Maggie isn't feeling well, he's not leaving her. Beth has Judy, Karen is helping the elderly, and Hershel can't climb up here." I smirk.

He takes perch at one end, rifle hung over his shoulder, Python strapped to his hip, knife on his leg. He looks ready to take on anything. But he kept watch all day, and he must have been tired.

"Rick, I'll be fine. Go on down. Get some sleep."

"I'm not leaving you out here alone."

"Rick, really, it's alright. It's quiet out here."

"Just in case, I'm not leaving you alone." He stares at me, jaw locked, and I know he's serious. He's not going anywhere.

I sigh and take post next to him. "You're being as stubborn as Daryl." I scoff.

He laughs and shrugs, "I'd feel better if you weren't alone tonight."

I begin to pace around the tower, checking everything from every angle I can manage. I trip over the toe of my cowboy boots and stumble forward, catching myself on the railing of the tower. "Oof!"

"You alright?" He comes over, trying to conceal his smile. "Still tripping over yourself." He teases.

"I told you, Lori pushed me that night!" I laugh.

"Sure, sure." He chuckles. It feels so good to see him smile, hear him laugh again. It causes me to smile even wider.

"Oh shut up!" I laugh, playfully hitting him. I turn and once more trip again, this time over the hatch handle. "Shit!" He reaches out and grabs my hand, pulling me up before I can hit the ground. He pulls a little too hard, and I end up against his chest.

I look up at him to see him staring down at me. I feel the corners of my mouth turning upward as I see a light smile play on his lips. Only when I feel his grip tighten on my hand, do I realize he's still holding it. His smile fades, but he continues to look at me, not pushing me away; holding my hand. His grip slowly loosens and he begins to walk away. He turns and looks back once at me. "You should be more careful."

I smirk.

_What the hell just happened?_

We sit in almost silence for the rest of the night.

* * *

_BANG!_

The bullet I fired pierces the ugly walker's head, causing it to double over.

_BANG!_

I take out another one, this one even uglier.

"It's all in the way you shoot and aim, Beth." I took on the job of teaching the young girl how to shoot. She was nervous, but she seemed to be eager to learn how to protect herself, and those surrounding her.

"Okay, well, here goes." She says nervously. She shoots, hitting one in the shoulder. We see the flesh explode off of it's bones. "Ugh!" She cries.

"Don't get discouraged! That was close! Remember deep breath, feet apart, don't lock your arms, aim and fire."

Beth does as I instruct and this time pegs one off, sending it sprawling. "I did it!" She squeals. "Thank you, Gwen!" She wraps her arms around me in a hug. I smile and give her a squeeze.

"See, you can do this honey! Try again!"

She continues along, hitting almost every target directly in the head. She's getting better, but she'll need more practice.

"You're doing great." We turn and find Rick and Daryl approaching us, Judith nestled in Rick's arms.

"Might hafta try this crossbow out next." Daryl smirks.

"I could?!" Beth asks surprised. Nobody touches the crossbow, but Daryl.

"Maybe." He smirks.

Rick smiles and laughs, causing the tiny baby to stir.

"The gunfire isn't too loud for her?" I ask, reaching out to put my hand over her tiny ears. I see she's wearing a little knit toque. "Where did she get this from?"

"Maybel," He says - one of the elders from Woodbury. "Helps to block out unwanted noise, and keeps her little head warm."

I look down at Judith, perfect picture of her mama. Bright brown eyes and hair to match, rosy cheeks and high cheekbones. She's a little Lori.

"You wanna take her?" He asks.

I nod. And extend my arms cradling the little girl's head. "Hey bebe" I coo. "Ain't you just a pretty girl." Judith smiles and it melts my heart.

Beth has stopped shooting altogether, and she and Daryl crowd in to marvel at the little baby.

"Well, I'll be damned - L'il Asskicker don' cracked a smile for ya." Daryl laughs. He brushes his fingers against her little cheek and begins to speak 'baby talk' to her. It's funny hearing such a tough guy 'goo' and 'gaa' at such a tiny baby.

Rick smiles, and asks if he could speak to me aside. I hand off Judy to Daryl and leave him and Beth alone. Rick and I walk through the prison yard, meeting up with Maggie.

"Hey, Mags" I call. "How are you feeling today?"

"Better, but ..." She hesitates biting her lip. She looks back to Glenn, and I see him smiling. "I may or may not have some news."

Rick stands with his hand locked on his belt, squinting in the sunlight. I can't help but notice how blue his eyes look today, or how close he seems to be standing next to me. I look down at my scuffed, dirty cowboy boots. _Get a grip - what is with you lately, Gwendolyn? _

"Well?" I ask Maggie, before I can get to swept up in my thoughts.

"I think I might be pregnant.." She pauses, and smiles wide - unable to hide her happiness.

Rick and I wrap her in a hug, and I feel Glenn join in, all of us laughing.

Rick looks at me and smiles. "Looks like we're going on a run for a pregnancy test."

"Glenn and I can go with you." Maggie says.

"We won't take 'no' for an answer, Rick, Gwen." Glenn smiles. He's practically beaming.

"Alright. We'll round up some stuff and the four of us can take off!" I say, turning and walking away. I shoot a glance behind, in Rick's direction. If I wasn't mistaken, I heard him say 'Isn't it my job to say that?'


	4. Chapter 4 - Gwen

**_Author's note - I won't be able to write on the weekend, so I'm going to post at least this chapter, maybe two more (we'll see how quick I can type) :P. Thanks for the reviews faithfuls! Time for some mo' action!_**

* * *

We pulled up to the small convience store in the quiet town. There had been a walker or two on the way there, but nothing we hadn't run over and taken care of. Rick drove, and I sat in the front with him. I would occasionally take a peek in the back window and see Glenn and Maggie holding hands, smiling at one another - it was great to see them so happy. Some might say for them to bring a baby into this world is stupid, but Judy is getting along perfectly fine - if it happened, then it happened.

Rick and Glenn kept watch outside, Maggie and I entered the store. I led the way, pistol drawn, quietly scoping out the area. It seemed clear so we began our search.

"What if they don't have anything here?" She asks worried.

"Then I guess you have to wait and see?" I shrug.

"It would be nice to know for sure." She mutters.

I see a lot of broken shelves, pieces strewn across the floor. I see a few cans of tomato soup, and one box of poptarts - the s'mores kind. I put the items in my bag, thinking Carl will be happy to see the poptarts.

I come across a lone box of condoms, and wonder if I should throw them in my bag, in case anybody else needs them at camp. Maggie might be pregnant, Carol's tubes were probably tied, Beth was a little too young, Karen stayed away from everyone, and that only left old people. Well, them and me. I chewed my lip staring at them - would I ever need them? I think about the man with the blue eyes standing outside, his playful mannerisms lately, his smiles and jokes, his body language ... I stand there chewing my lip until Maggie laughs.

"Just grab them. You'll kick yourself if you need them later."

She surprises me and I stare at her.

"Girl, don't think I don't know."

"I don't understand what you mean - what are you talking about?" I play stupid, but keep my voice low so they don't hear us outside.

"You and him." She says, raising one eyebrow.

"What?"

"You like him."

"No. I-"

"Look, everyone else might be fooled, but not me. You're also a terrible liar."

I let out a breath and lean against one of the remaining shelves. I put my face in my hands.

"How long?"

"The night we met."

She nodded, hearing the story from Lori once before.

"I'm an awful person."

"Why?"

"His wife just died how long ago?"

"Their relationship wasn't the best. I loved Lori too, and I miss her everyday, but come on. I see it, the spark between you two!"

I look up at her, her eyes shining with excitement, and that's when I see it behind her. "Maggie, look!"

I point to the last pregnancy test hanging behind the counter.

"Yes!" She squeaks and runs over to it.

Before she makes it there, a walker emerges from a closet in the corner.

"Shit! Maggie get down!"

I turn the corner and push the thing up against the wall, bringing my sharp hunting knife directly into it's eye and through it's brain. I pull my knife out and it drops.

"Dammit. You okay?" She asks.

"Yeah - fine. You?"

"Scared the shit out of me!"

She reaches for the pregnancy test and I walk over to her. I spot a small mickey of Whiskey sitting behind the counter, unopened.

"Hello.." I mumble. I never was much of a drinker, but hey anything like being confused about loving your dead best friend's husband to make you want a shot - or twelve.

We walk out, whiskey in my hand, a pregnancy test in hers.

* * *

Rick and I wait in the car, as Glenn and Maggie go get to the bottom of the whole pending baby situation. In the mean time, I take a swig from the bottle. It's strong, and burns on the way down, but I don't mind.

"Since when do you drink?" Rick scoffs.

"Since I found the whiskey." I joke.

He smiles and shakes his head. He taps his hands on the steering wheel, playing out some song I can't hear. I offer him the bottle and he takes a sip. He inhales and exhales deeply. "Whoo. Strong stuff, ain't it?"

"I hear ya. I'll be lucky if I remember what a walker is tomorrow!" We laugh and pass the bottle back and forth once more.

"So officer, I do believe it is against the law to drink and drive!" I tease.

He looks at me and lifts an eyebrow, slowly smirking.

The car door flings open and Maggie slowly climbs in. Her and Glenn both look crushed.

"I'm sorry, guys. Maybe next-"

"I'm pregnant!" Maggie all but screams and they burst out into laughter.

* * *

**_I think this is a good place to end the chapter .. Oooh whiskey makes them a little flirty flirty ;). Let's see where this goes!_**


	5. Chapter 5 - Gwen

**_Faithfuls! I am sooooo damn sorry! It's been so long since I've wrote! I've just been so busy with everything lately, it's hard to find the time. I hope ya'll haven't abandoned me! Picking up where we left off ... And sorry again everyone! _**

* * *

"You are?!" I exclaim. The smile Glenn shoots me is more than the answer I need, still when Maggie nods her head, tears in her eyes, I can't help but reach across the back seat and wrap them in a hug. Rick reaches over once I'm done, shakes Glenn's hand, and wraps Maggie in a hug of his own.

"I just - I mean, can you guys believe it?" Glenn says, clearly astonished.

"Well, you know - that is what happens when you let _it_ out." I say, speech slightly starting to slur.

The car grows silent, the three of them staring at me. Maggie is the first to laugh.

"Couldn't have said it better myself."

We all break out into a laugh, and Rick starts the car. As we speed away, he reaches across the seat, and grabs the mickey.

"I think that's enough of that - can't have one of the best shots we have have a hangover in the morning." He smirks.

As he pulled his hand back, it brushed against my leg, touching the bare skin of my thigh through a rip in my jeans. I feel the heat rising through my cheeks; face turning red. I turn and look out the window, and end up falling asleep.

* * *

"Gwen? Hey, Gwen."

"Just hit the snooze button." I whine at Shane. "Five more minutes, and then I'll leave and go to work."

"What? Gwen-" He laughs and shakes me.

"Give me the blanket, back."

"Blanket? Gwendolyn!"

I blink and see it was Rick shaking me, and not Shane. He shakes his head and laughs.

"Whiskey sure knocks you out."

I rub the back of my head. "You're telling me."

"Snooze button." Rick mutters and lightly smiles, walking away.

I rub my eyes and shake my head, standing up to stretch. I was dreaming, but for a second I was back years in time. The night of Rick and Lori's wedding.

* * *

_I stand behind the beautiful bride, and catch glimpse of the man she's marrying. I know she's crying behind the veil; he is. It was wrong, but as happy as I was for them, I was sad. Here she was, marrying the one man I loved, and where was I? The faithful best friend; maid of honor - something, something about 'always a bridesmaid but never a bride?'_

_As the night goes on, and it comes time for the speeches, I walk up the stairs. Bright pink dress full of frills and flowers, knees quivering. I knew what I was going to say, I had it written out. But looking at them... _

_Yes, I was happy for them. I was. Lori was my sister, and Rick, well, I loved him. I wished more and more with every second that I was in her shoes, and wondered if I would have been, had Jeff not introduced them. _

_I breath in, and take a look at the happy couple. _

_'Rick, Lori' I begin. 'All the best and more to you, seriously. I just, I need to start off with saying that. When I first met Lori, we were five. She sat down beside me in school, and through out all the years of it, through out even college - she never left my side. To call her my friend, would be an understatement. She is one of the most generous, caring people you will ever meet, and I'm proud to say she is my sister. Even though, there was that one time, in second grade when she glued my pigtails together because Jonny Thompson said he liked me and not her.' Everyone laughs. I continue. 'Rick - I met you in college. You've become one of my best friends. You are, just - great. Becoming a cop; there's not a job better suited for you. I know it makes Lori nervous, but like your, wife,' I manage to get the word out, and it's even harder than I would have expected. 'you are caring, and you were meant to help people. Between the two of you, I wish you many years of happiness and love, and lots of baby Grimes.' Everyone cheers, and I raise my glass. 'Here's to Mr' I swallow hard, ball building up in my throat, that thankfully everyone chalks up to my being happy, 'and Mrs Rick Grimes.' _

_I look to the best man, clapping and smiling. He gets up to make his speech, and I see how handsome Shane is when he really cleans up. He winks at me as I pass him the mike. I head down the stairs and straight to the bar. I need a drink, no champagne - a drink. _

_'Whiskey, please - make it a double.' The bartender stares at me, then hands me the shot. I down it and ask for another, this time with coke. _

_'Hey, pretty lady.'_

_'Hey.'_

_Shane smirks. 'What's with the hard liquor?' _

_'I'm not in the mood for champagne tonight.' It's not a lie, but it's not the truth either._

_'What exactly are you in the mood for?' He gets closer, and I look over his shoulder to see Rick and Lori share a kiss. My heart aches, and I think again, that I may use Shane, only this time, in a way different than the night we first met. _


	6. Chapter 6 - Gwen

_'Well, aren't you light on your feet?' Shane laughs and spins me playfully. _

_The room still spins afterward - too much whiskey. _

_'You alright, there, Gwen?'_

_'Yeah - fine. Just, ugh, one minute.'_

_I hear him chuckle as I make my way to the bathroom. My face must have been green when I walked away. _

_'Gwen!' _

_Lori calls my name, and for a second, as I stare in the mirror, I wonder where it's coming from. She emerges from a stall behind me. _

_'Thank you, again, honey. The speech, your help with this - everything. I couldn't have a better friend - no, you said it best - sister. I can never repay you.'_

_'Maybe one day if I get married.'_

_'Not if - when! You just haven't found the right one yet. Although, you and Shane seem to be having fun.' She winks at me, and I can't help but smile - like I said, I was happy for her, she couldn't have found a better guy. _

_'We're just friends. Seriously.'_

_She leans in for a hug, and pulls back quickly laughing. 'Gwen! Have you been drinking whiskey?'_

_I laugh too. 'Maybe.'_

_She hugs me tight and makes her way back to her husband. I splash some water on my face, careful not to smear my makeup and take another look in the mirror. Hair piled on top of my head in an up-do, thick brown eyeliner and light pink blush on my cheeks. I looked pretty; Shane saw it. Had Rick ever saw it ... ? _

_I shake my head and walk out the door. _

_A slow song starts playing. I turn and look for Shane - no sign of him. I begin to make my way to the bar, when someone pulls me onto the dance floor - of course, Shane. _

_He holds me close, and it feels almost wrong. I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Letting the whiskey do the 'work'. _

_He whispers in my ear. 'How's about after this little shindig, you come home with me, baby?'_

_I know it's a bad idea. _

_I know I'll never see Shane in 'that way'._

_Do I say 'no' ?_

_Do I resist?_

_Of course not. _

_'Sure.'_

_We spin around for what feels like a minute, and then I hear a voice._

_'Mind if I cut in?'_

_"Sure thing man, I'd love to get a dance in with the blushing bride.'_

_'So Lori tells me you've gotten into the whiskey.' Rick smiles warmly and I feel my knees go weak. _

_He holds me close, but obviously not as close as Shane. _

_'I might have. Am I really that bad right now?'_

_He laughs warmly and dips me. 'I've seen worse. You remember the time we had that bonfire?'_

_'And Shane puked everywhere?'_

_'It was in my boots!'_

_We laugh together, and maybe it's the whiskey talking, but I find myself wanting to kiss him. For a second I forget he's my best friend's husband, even the fact that it's his wedding we're at, and all I want to do is kiss him. I find my stare landing directly on his perfect lips, and it takes all my power to not do it._

_I sigh._

_'Gwen? You okay?'_

_Oh, shit. _

_'Yeah, fine. Just a little tired is all.'_

_'I wanted to thank you.'_

_Oh no, not coming from Rick. This is going to kill me. _

_'For everything you've done to make tonight run so smoothly. She couldn't have done it without you, you know?'_

_'Yeah, no problem, Rick.'_

_'Don't be modest. You've done a lot for us. Us. Meaning myself included. You're one of my best friends.'_

_Friend. At least he didn't say sister. _

_'You think you can handle a spin? Shane told me how you turned green.'_

_'Shane, Shmane. I can take it.' Figuring I may as well take what I can get, I smile at him. _

_Rick smiles wide, and spins me softly. I know the song is about to end, and just as it comes to a close, he pulls my back in, ending it in a tight hug. He doesn't say anything, nor do I. We stand like that for what feels like minutes, but when he lightly smiles, and pulls away it feels like it wasn't long enough. _

_'Drive safe tonight everyone, and let's here it for Mr and Mrs Rick Grimes!' The DJ yells. _

_'Let's get out of here, baby.' Shane's arms find my waist, and he starts to pull me to the door. _

_On the way out, I take one last look back, and see the happy couple sharing a long kiss. Everyone cheers one last time. _

_'At least their happy.' I say quietly._

* * *

"Gwen? Hey, Gwen."

_I know the routine, get up, get dressed 'hey that was a fun one-night stand', and go. Not saying I'd done it before, but I knew what kind of guy Shane was. _

"Just hit the snooze button." I whine at Shane. "Five more minutes, and then I'll leave and go to work."

_He laughed and muttered something along the lines of 'damn girl'. I could hear him brushing his teeth._

"What? Gwen-" He laughs and shakes me.

_He starts tickling me, ripping the blanket off in the process. _

"Give me the blanket, back."

"Blanket? Gwendolyn!"

* * *

**_Well Faithfuls, this is where we left off. Hope you liked the flashback. Can't wait for the reviews! And I'm so so sooo sooooo sorry it's taken me so long to write. I seriously have been really deadly super busy with life. I'll try to get chappys up at least once a week. Loves! 3 _**


	7. Chapter 7 - Rick

**_Just in case no one catches on (due to my crappy writing), this Chapter is in Rick's perspective. If you look in the table of contents slider, you can see where I state 'Gwen' or 'Rick'. Thanks, Faithfuls! :)_**

* * *

Walking away from the car, laughing to myself, I think about what Gwen said.

'Snooze button.' I muse.

Of course, probably unbeknownst to her, I knew exactly what she was talking about. I'd heard it from ... Shane. After Lori and I got back from our honeymoon, we'd gone out for a beer. He went on and on ...

* * *

_'Man, you wouldn't believe it! We get back to my house, and she's quiet, like real quiet - and I ask her, you know, tell her she don't have to do go through with it if she doesn't want to. You know how some girls get cold feet.'_

_He took a sip of his beer, and I sat peeling the label off of mine. _

_'And you know what she did?'_

_'What did she do?'_

_'This girl - she just - she stands up, takes a deep breath and unzips her dress. She stands there, in just these little panties - hoo.' He exaggerates his breath, and rubs his jaw line, like he always did when he got excited about anything. I knew the action so well, I saw it everytime we went in to bust someone, anytime he laughed. _

_I laugh at his story. I may have been a married man, but didn't mean I didn't get a kick out of his stories. Shane and I were complete opposites with women. I could pick one, and he could pick eight. _

_'And so,' He says pausing with a laugh, 'I look up at her, and all she does is grab my face, and kiss me. One hard, wet, fast kiss. She turns around, looks back at me once, and turns right into my bedroom.'_

_'She knew where it was? Shane, you son of a bitch, don't tell me you gave her 'the tour'." I joke. I heard about it many times. He'd bring home a girl, and show her around so she knew where everything was, his last stop would be the bedroom usually. This girl must have been harder to get. _

_'I didn't have to. So anyways, I walk in there, and she's just laying on the bed, with her eyes closed. And I think she's asleep. So I get on the bed, and kiss her, and -'_

_'Wait, you didn't have to? What do you mean? How could she have known where your bedroom was, man?'_

_'You didn't let me get to the best part.' He finishes his beer, and I look at what's left in mine. Nothing but suds at the bottom. I should get home to Lori, but I want to let him finish, to say I wasn't curious, would be a lie. _

_'Best part?' I laugh. _

_'Hey - bartender! Get us two more o' here!' _

_'One.' I call to the bartender._

_'Two.' Shane chimes up._

_'Come on Shane, I got to get home soon.'_

_'Brother, pretty soon you won't have time for this anymore - it's just one more beer.'_

_I ponder the thought, and realize one more won't hurt. _

_'Alright - two.' I echo to the bartender. _

_He brings us our beers, and I drink mine about half way, and tear the label off once more, rolling it up in a ball and leaving it on the counter. _

_'Well, brother?' I laugh, smirking. _

_'Let me finish first, or you won't be as surprised.'_

_I extended my hand, signalling for him to continue. _

_'Anyway, this girl is crazy all over me. I don't know how long it had been for her, or if she was just crazy about me, but damn! It was some of the best sex I'd ever had.'_

_I laugh. I couldn't help but scoff at his last sentence - he'd already said it. 'You must always take home the crazy ones.'_

_'What makes you say that?'_

_'You always say that.'_

_We laugh together, and he takes a sip of his beer. _

_'Anyway man, after this long, crazy night, I try and wake her up, and she asks me for a few more minutes of sleep!'_

_'You let her?'_

_'Yeah, only because of our history. That and I'm sure she had this bad hangover from all that whiskey.'_

_Whiskey. _

_That word sets off a bell in my head. I look at Shane; confused look. His finishes his beer, and smirks. _

_'You and Gwen, man?'_

_'It was just one night.'_

_'And you don't think that's going to do anything weird to our friendship?'_

_'Naw. She was cool. She got up, and went to work or whatever.'_

_I swallow hard, unsure of what I just heard. Shane and Gwen.. _

_'Are you guys, together?'_

_'Didn't you hear? I said 'one night'. She was cool. We just had lunch the other day. Damn, I tell you though, I always knew she was a looker, but damn - take them clothes off-' He shudders and licks his lips. 'She gorgeous. I never knew she'd be like that in bed either. She was a flirt, but never knew anything went past that cute exterior. Damn.'_

_I have nothing to say. For some reason, the thought of Shane and Gwen together - something about it gives me strange feeling. Jealousy? Envy? I'd never felt that about any of the other girls he spoke about. Maybe I just needed to go home to my wife. I bring my beer to my lips._

_'You should have when you had the chance, man.'_

_'What?' I say, and I choke on the liquid. _

_'That night, we met them girls - you think it was me she really wanted in the first place? Naw, brother - it was you.'_

_'You're crazy.' I scoff. 'Lori said it was you.'_

_'Lori musta had it wrong. Think about it. Who'd she talk to first?'_

_My mind races. No way. It had been Shane she wanted, not me. Suddenly my mouth is dry, and I down what's left in my bottle. _

_'You want another?'_

_'No, I'm out of here.'_

_'You alright?'_

_'Yeah.' I think I'm lying, but I don't even know anymore. 'Just should be heading back is all.'_

_'Alright! See you at the shop.'_

_I nod and turn to walk out the door. Our house isn't far from the bar, and I walk home. It's gently raining, and it feels good on my hot face. I think about Shane's words, and the night we met. Married or not, I couldn't deny - Gwen was, and still was beautiful. Not to mention smart, and very easy to get along with. And sure, when I'd seen her around, she drive me wild. She was all I could think about. There was a time when I'd thought ... But then I met Lori. _

_Shane's words echo in my head, 'You should have when you had the chance' and I find my thoughts wandering to Gwen. Her tiny frame wrapped in my arms; her whispering my name... I shake my head and assume it's the beer talking as I feel heat begin to rise up my neck._

_I walk into the door, and find Lori on the couch, watching TV. _

_'Hey, baby.' She calls without turning her head. _

_I look at my wife, and without a word, walk up to her, grab her face, and kiss her hard. We have heated sex that night, and I as I lay there the next morning, listening to Lori in the kitchen downstairs, I can't help but think about Gwen - and I hate myself for it. _

_I twist my wedding band on my finger, and look over to the wedding photo on the nightstand. My beautiful wife smiling at me brings me back to reality, and I pull on a pair of jeans and head downstairs to her. _

* * *

**_OOOOH. I hope ya'll liked the chappy :) Review please! This is my first time writing in Rick's head, and I want to make sure I captured him perfectly. _**


	8. Chapter 8 - Gwen

I stood in the shower, hair hanging down to my lower back. The water was cold, but I didn't mind. At least it was a wake up. Damn whiskey. No good ever came from my drinking of it, and nothing good still came from it.

I close my eyes and take in the cold water; head pounding and stomach turning. I hated hangovers. When I figure I've had my fill of chill, I turn the water off and begin to get dressed.

I pull on a pair of dark blue jeans, my boots, and a black v-neck t-shirt with the sleeves cut off. I pull my hair into a pony tail, and instead of securing it with an elastic, I slip on my regular blue ball cap. Much more convient than a pony tail holder, and kept the sun off of my face. I secure my pistol to my belt, and my knife to my leg, and away I go. Headache and all.

'Hey girl.'

Daryl.

'Don't say it.' I moan.

'Whiskey's your poison, huh?' He scoffs and smirks.

'Fuck you, man.' I laugh.

'Don't cha know? Girl ain't supposed to swear like that!' He smiles and walks away.

Daryl and I have always gotten along. Maybe because he was quiet, and I didn't mind.

I try and walk down the cell block and outside and quietly as I can, but I realize I need my sunglasses. I stop in my 'room' and grab the red rimmed bug eyed things. Loved 'em, and they worked. What more did I need?

'Gwen.'

I turn and see Carl standing behind me. In the light he looks so young, so much like the kid he is, that I forget exactly how old he is.

'Hey, little man. What's up?'

'Did you know Maggie and Glenn are having a baby?'

'Sure did. That's what your dad and I brought them into to town for yesterday. They -' Before I can finish, Carl holds his hand up, signalling me to stop talking.

'How? What? ... What are they thinking!?'

His tone surprises me.

'Isn't Judy enough? Maggie - Maggie ..' He stops, and I think he's done, but he picks up when I take a step toward him. 'She's going to die, you know?! Just like mom!'

Beth walks by holding Judy, and hears Carl's words. 'She won't die!'

'How do you know?'

'Because! Maggie is strong! And this time, we know better - and we'll be prepared!'

'It doesn't matter, she still will. My mom was strong, and now where is she?' He yells.

Beth looks down at her feet, unable to speak.

'Carl,' I begin. 'Calm down. If you need to talk-'

'She's dead, Beth! Just like everyone else we knew! Just like everyone we know will be!'

Beth - the sweet, sensitive one. All at once, her eyes fill up with tears, and she runs off, squeezing baby Judith tight.

'Carl!' I scold.

'What? You don't think it's true. I'm done with this. You know what...' He pauses, thinking. I think it looks like he's about to say something, but Rick walks into the room.

'Carl Grimes. Your mother would be disappointed in you if she saw the way you just treated Beth, and Gwen!'

Carl says nothing, but looks down at his feet.

Rick gets down on his knees, to Carl's level. 'I understand what you're going through son. But this-this attitude- this hate, Carl, it needs to stop.'

Just when I think Rick's finally gotten through to him, he looks up at his father, takes a deep breath, and says clearly, 'Fuck you.'

Both mine and Rick's jaws drop, and before we can even process what Carl has said, he's gone.

'Rick, he-he didn't mean that.'

'No, he did.'

'He's going through a lot right now. You know that.'

'My own son blames me. For all of this. He hates me, Gwendolyn.' Why he says my full name, I don't know, but in that moment, it doesn't matter. He's pained by Carl's words - more than he lets on.

He sits on the floor, balancing himself on his heels, elbows on his knees. I sit beside him, crossing my legs.

'You need to talk to him, Rick.'

'I know. I just - I don't know where to start.'

'From the beginning. Tell him everything.'

'What if that makes things worse?'

'It might. But it'll get better.'

'How do you know?'

'Because, he's a teenager.'

He's quiet, then he looks at me and smiles. Before I can blink, he grabs me, wrapping me in a tight hug.

'I don't know what I would do without you, Gwen.' He doesn't say it very loud, and I wonder if it's in my head, but when he pulls away from the hug, stands up and pulls me up with a smile on his face, I know I didn't imagine it.

Heart pounding, head spinning not just from a hang over anymore, I know what I need to do, right now in this moment - or I won't ever forgive myself.

As he turns away, I grab his hand.

He spins around and looks down at our intertwined fingers, his face turning red. I know mine is red, I can practically feel it radiating. He makes me feel like a teenager. Like everything is going to be okay. He's my world, and my Heaven on Earth all in one.

In this moment no words need to be said. And if I wasn't going as crazy as I think I was, he must have agreed.

Because before Rick Grimes or I could even imagine what was about to happen, I took a step forward, closing off the distance between us. I feel my heartbeat quicken as I push my hand he's not holding to his chest. Standing on my tip toes, I lean my face up to his, moving in slowly, leaving his lips just inches from mine. I slowly close my eyes, and take one last look at his baby blues.

I feel his full lips gently brush my bottom one, just barely touching it. So soft, I wonder if it's the wind.

And that's when I think about Carl, Lori, and Judy. The family that was; that could have been. And my heart breaks, because I don't know if this is right or wrong. What felt good in the moment; what felt so strong - it scares me, and as I pull away, I want to kick myself.

'I can't, Rick. I don't know what I'm doing.'

He stands there silent.

'But you.. It was you who started...' He trails off dumbfounded.

I feel the same way. But I don't know what to do anymore. I feel the tears start to come, but I push them back.

'I shouldn't have. Carl, Judy .. You, me... I just - I don't know.'

He looks down at his scuffed boots, then back up to me.

'Everything is so confusing right now.'

'I know.' He says calmly.

He tries to reach for me, out of comfort, I assume. But I step back. Lori kissed those lips so many times, and I know in the end, they were dying. But I know, standing in front of your best friend with a hangover, after he tells you he can't be without you ... it's not the best situation to get caught up in.

'I'm sorry.'

He looks hurt, but masks it, nodding and heading out of my cell.

My one chance. And I blew it. There's only a few words that I can say outloud. 'I'm a fucking idiot.'


	9. Chapter 9 - Rick

I walk out of her cell, pinching the bridge of my nose.

Jesus. Did that just happen? Did I just do that?

I kissed her. Barely, but it happened.

And even though it was her who initiated it, she pulled away.

Rick Grimes, you are an idiot.

Well, wait - am I?

Talk about mixed signals.

I sigh, and continue outside, to the one place I know Carl will be. On my way out the door, I bump into father-to-be, Glenn, and his wide grin. I swear, guy hasn't stopped smiling since he found out. It was nice, gave all of us hope life could one day change again.

He takes one look at my face, and his smile fades.

'Woah, man. You look awful.'

'Thanks.'

'What happened?'

'I don't know, exactly.'

Not pushing it, he stops. 'I saw Carl bolt by.'

'Thanks, Glenn.' I place my hand on his shoulder, and walk past him.

'Carl!'

I see the hatch to the guard tower is closed, and I know that's where he is.

'Son, please. Open it. I'm not mad.'

I wait for a whole ten minutes, before the hatch flies open. I climb up, and my heart melts at what I see.

Carl, looking so much like he did when he was younger, like when he had a bad dream, sitting in a ball in the corner, crying. I hold back the tears, but when he rushes to my arms, crying for his mother, I let them fall.

'I had to do it, dad. She wouldn't have made it. I didn't want to. I'm sorry. It's all my fault she's gone.'

'It. Is. Not. Your. Fault.' I hold his face in my hands, wiping away his tears. 'You are a good boy, Carl. And your mother would be proud of you if she saw how you've stepped up. Hell, you're so brave, and independant, sometimes I wonder if you're going to take over as leader.' He laughs lightly, and I see my baby boy in him.

'But she wouldn't be proud of the way I've been acting.' He finishes for me.

'No, Carl. She wouldn't.'

'I just - I miss her so much.'

'I do, too, son.'

I hug him tightly as he softly sobs. 'I really didn't mean what I said to you.' He mutters into my shoulder.

'I know. Growing up is never easy, especially when you're living in this world.'

'I need to apologize. Not just to Beth and Gwen - but everyone.'

When he says her name, it almost stabs me like a knife, and I let out a deep breath.

'You okay, dad?'

'Yeah.' I lie. 'Are you okay?'

'I think I'm going to be.' He smiles at me, and I hold him tight, beginning to cry again, mumbling words of how I'll be there for him now, and I love him.

We stay up in the tower for a while, keeping watch as father and son.

* * *

'Everything alright, man? You seem - dumbstruck.'

Daryl looks at me, and even in the dark, I can see the curiosity on his face. We'd become good friends in the past few years.

'Don't get me all wrong here, I'm happy. Carl is doing better. My little boy is smiling for the first time in months, and playing with his baby sister. But ...'

'But?'

'Women still confuse me.'

'Women or _woman_?' He muses.

I smirk and shake my head. 'One minute, I think she wants me, the next-' I trail off again, not sure if he really wants to hear.

'What happened today? You guys hardly even talked t'day, let alone looked each other's way. That ain't like ya'll.'

'Long story short, she came in for what I thought was a kiss.'

Daryl laughing, howls at the moon. 'Damn!'

I laugh and rub my face. 'Not damn. I kiss her and she pulls away, saying it's a mistake.'

'Ouch. That had ta hurt.'

I look at him, saying nothing, but he knows me too well. 'Awh, come on, man. You know you like her! She likes you too, she's just - she's scared, and confused you don't.'

'But what are we - kids? I just don't get the confusion. What's so hard to understand?'

Daryl looks at me, and I know the answer is clear on his face. 'I know where my wife is. I know what she was to Gwen. And yes, I still love Lori.'

'Then why you askin'? You know the answer.'

I rub my eyes. 'Am I a bad husband?'

'Naw. Bad things just happened. Ain't nobody's fault. We don't got mucha life left to live. Carry on with it, Rick.'

'Well if you insisting what I think you are, how can I when she pushes me away?'

'Pull her closer.' Daryl pushes me jokingly, and laughs.

'Sometimes, you make things sound so simple.'

'Ya callin' me simple minded?'

I laugh and begin the climb down the tower. I don't know what I'm about to do, but I feel it needs to be done.

'Where ya going?'

'Crazy.'

'Man, ain't you been there all along?'

I shoot him a serious look, but we laugh anyway as I make my way down the ladder.

* * *

I sneak down the hall as quietly as I can, not wanting to wake anyone. I come to where I think I need to be and stand directly over her, listening to her softly breathe and she sleeps. Waking her up feels like a sin, but I know I have to do this.

'Gwendolyn.'

'What is it?' She whispers frantically. I see her sit up in the moonlight, reaching for her gun. 'Everything okay?'

I can't say anything, my mouth suddenly dry.

'Rick? Come on! Is everything alright?' She whispers louder.

'Fuck it.' I mutter. I lean down to her level and before she has time to push me away, I kiss her. She starts to object, pushing away, but I pull her closer. The minute I do that, she wraps her arms around my neck, and starts kissing me back.

I know what I'm doing. And despite the way she acted today, so does she.

The way she made me happy, all the feelings she gave me; that electricty errupted and before I know it, I'm in bed beside her kissing her and stroking her face.

I pull away for air, waiting for her to say something. And when she doesn't, I begin.

'I know how crazy this is. I don't care.'

'Rick. Go.'

Just like that, after the way she kisses me, she wants me gone.

'What?'

'We can't do this.'

'And why not? Why can't we be happy?'

She says nothing, but I know why. She feels guilty. But I can't say I do. Lori would be okay with this, Lori - and I loved her still - she would want me; want us to be happy. With or without each other.

But with the way she turns away from me, I know she doesn't think so.

Heart pounding, and blood rushing to my head, I walk away from her.


	10. Chapter 10 - Gwen

_**Hey Faithfuls. Talk about cray cray stuff and thangs. My boy Rick is having his heart stomped on.**_

_**Anyway, hope you're enjoying!**_

_**Loves!**_

* * *

How many years had it been? Too many. And what was I doing now? Pushing him away.

How stupid was I? But how confused was I? I always wanted him to be happy, and now he was; could be - with me - I push him away.

Carol, Maggie, and I sit in the cafeteria. I lean back on my chair and close my eyes thinking about his lips. It felt so good to know he wanted me. To know he needed to kiss me. And yet, I couldn't get past the fact that what I was doing was wrong.

I lean forward and let my forehead hit the table. I let out a sigh and low moan. Carol laughs.

'Looks like someone had a rough sleep.'

'You could say that.'

'Gwen, 'fess up.'

I look at Maggie and she's smiling the same mischevious way she always does.

'What?'

'The way he looks at you, and the way you don't look at him - just what happened between you and Rick anyway?'

I groan, louder this time. There's no point in hiding it anymore, so I tell them.

'What?' Carol squeaks excitedly. She reminds me of a cute little squirrel, but then I remember what Daryl does with the squirrels he catches, and I turn to Maggie. She says nothing but smiles wildly.

'Why are you pushing him away?!'

'Because.'

'Gwen! Come on!'

'If you've always loved him-' Carol says quietly, 'why keep him away?'

'Lori.'

'What about Lori?'

I open my eyes wide and shake my wide in surprise.

'I loved her, and I miss her too, but you've got to move on! He has. Clearly.'

'I feel like I'm doing something wrong.'

'Does it feel wrong?'

In my heart, I know it doesn't. But my brain won't let me fully enjoy anything. When I say that, Carol scoffs. She's learning a thing or two from Daryl.

'Honey, if you heart wants him,' She pauses, looking at Maggie.

'Then fuck what your brain says.' Maggie finishes.

They both giggle, causing me to do the same.

'What about Carl?'

'Carl is doing better. He'll be okay.' Carol says, placing a hand over mine.

'Ain't got mucha life left, so live it, girl.' I look up and see Daryl standing in the doorway.

'How long were you there for?' Carol muses.

'Long enough, but I already knew what Gwennie here was feelin'. And you best believe, I know exactly what Rick is feelin' too.' He approaches Carol, carrying a small flower. It's purple in color, and I can see she loves it.

I smile at the two of them and tease, 'Damn, boy. If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were going soft on us.'

'Don't ya be changing the subject on me. All I'm sayin' is the same thing I said to your boyfriend, and he took my word for it. Too bad you wasn't so keen on it.'

'You caused last night?'

'Didn't do nothin' ya'll didn't want.'

'Ugh.'

'You tore him up somethin' awful, you know? Ain't fair. He likes you, Gwennie.'

'Where is he? Maybe I should go talk to-'

A scream breaks our conversation, and causes all of us to leap from our table.

Daryl and I run down the hall, leading the way.

'Came from the showers!' He calls, and breaks from me, running faster. He kicks down the door, crossbow ready, and I follow behind, gun pointed, safety off.

I don't hear anything, but water running. I turn the corner and find Karen in a towel, backing away, hand over her mouth. I follow her gaze and see ten, no twelve walkers advancing on us, slowly, but menacingly.

'Karen, get behind me!' Rick's voice.

'You heard?' I ask without turning my gaze to him.

'Ran as fast as I could.'

'Where's everyone else?' I ask him, worried for our group.

'Far from here - Carl, Glenn, Michonne, Tyrese, and a few others are keeping watch over everyone that isn't here.'

'We're caught here, Rick. Can't shoot, in case we attract more, and can't back up anymore, or else they could over take us.'

I know Carol and Maggie stayed back with the others. That only leaves Daryl, Rick and I. Karen has no weapon, so we need to protect her.

Before I can say anything, an arrow hit a walker in the eye, and all at once, the fight errupts.

3 run toward me, and I peg them off, one by one, stabbing each with the knife, then pushing them off before they can get stuck.

We're doing good, and just when I think we've got the upper hand, and there's one a few left, a walker grabs Karen and pushes her to the ground. She screams and hold it away from her face, crying out for help. I grab it off of her, while Rick and Daryl fight the rest. But this walker is strong, and pins me to the wall. My knife flies out of my grasp and I wrestle it's jaws away from my face.

Rick and Daryl, busy with their own fight don't notice what's happening.

'Karen! My knife!' I call.

She's scared, and instead of stabbing the bastard for me, she throws my the knife. I catch it, but by the blade, and end up cutting my hand.

'Argh!' I cry out in pain, but throw the walker off of me. It stumbles backward, and lands on it's back. I stomp on it's head, not wanting to get my bloody hand too close. It goes limp, and I know it's dead.

Anything in life can happen so quickly. Too quickly. Within seconds.

Seconds was all it took for me to see Daryl knocked out on the floor.

Seconds was all it took for me to hear Karen scream.

And seconds was all it took for me to see the last walker in the room about to bite Rick's arm.

'No!'


	11. Chapter 11 - Gwen

'Rick!'

I've never ran so fast, and in this moment I don't care what happens to me. I tackle into the walker, slamming it to the ground. It smells the blood, and goes wild, trying to bite me. Blood loss kicks in and as I wrestle with it, I feel myself weaken, and tire.

That's when I hear the gun shot. And that's when the walker collapses against me.

'Gwen!'

My ears ringing, Rick sounds so far away.

Was he bit? No, I don't think so. I saved him. Was I? Nothing hurt but my hand, and my ... my shoulder?

My vision begins to blur as he throws the dead walker off of me.

'No! No! No!' He cries.

Everything turns black.

* * *

I open my eyes to Daryl in a cot next to mine.

He's sitting, no shirt on, with a bandage wrapped around his head.

'What happened to you?' I ask.

'Shot one o' those ugly bastards, and turned too quick. Nailed my head on the sharp shelf.'

I laugh at his clumsy-ness, but cry out in pain when I feel my wounds.

'Easy, Gwennie.' He says. 'Stay awake. I'll be right back.'

He leaves, and my memories start rushing back.

Rick.

The walker.

The pain in my shoulder.

Oh God. I was bit, wasn't I? They had it wrapped up, but something had happened. Why would they hide it? I was as good as dead.

Rick and Carl walk in.

'You have no idea how good it is to see those eyes open.' Rick says.

'Really!' Carl echos his opinion.

He runs over to me, arms open, ready for a hug, and I cry out. 'Carl, no!'

They stop in confusion.

'I was bit. You need to go. Rick, Carl. Please.'

'You weren't bit!' Carl shouts. 'You were shot!'

'What?'

'When I shot that walker. The bullet went through - it hit your shoulder. I'm-'

'Before you say you're sorry, Rick. Consider the fact that I'm alive because of you, and I don't want to hear it.'

He smiles softly, and this time when Carl approaches me, I open my arms.

'Ow.' I cringe. 'Hurts more than you think it would.'

'You're telling me.' Carl says.

'And me.' Rick laughs.

'Well aren't we just one big, happy family.'

We laugh, and Carl leaves my bedside. 'I have to tell the others you're awake now!'

He runs off, and I look at Rick. 'How long was I out for?'

'A couple days.'

'Holy shit! What happened in the showers?'

'Someone left a back gate open, and they crawled in through a hole. Once they found the shower door, in the enclosed cell block, they pushed their way through.'

'Is everything clear now?'

'It is, but we're keeping an eye on it for now. How's your shoulder?'

'Didn't you hear what I said? It hurts.'

He places a kiss on top of my head. 'Rest up for a few days.'

He leaves.

'Thank you!' I call to him, but he never comes back.


	12. Chapter 12 - Gwen

Summer passes. And by mid-fall, my gun shot wound is almost healed.

Rick and I don't talk much, and although it seems easier that way, to deny the way we feel and go on 'living', it's not.

I don't catch him staring at me anymore.

He doesn't try and kiss me either.

Judy is getting big, growing like a little weed - getting more and more pretty with each day that passes. She's grown on everyone, and we'd all do anything to keep her safe.

Carl too has grown, face beginning to mature, beginning to look more and more like his dad. He's happier still.

Everyone's made it another few more months.

I sigh and roll out of bed. And me? I'm just living, wondering why I had to push Rick away. I strap on my gun and knife, and head to the showers. Head pounding with a headache that hasn't really ever gone away, once I'm there, I begin to undress and then let the cold water rush over me.

I take care with what's left of my wound, and then close my eyes to think.

We both basically almost die, and what are we doing? Acting like nothing ever happened, like each of us never cared. Is it really as ridiculous as I think it is? I don't know anymore, and I let the tears of heartache and frustration fall.

I hear the door open and close.

'Shit.' I mutter. I know the showers are walled off, but I can't help but shake the feeling it's going to be a walker.

'Just me.' Rick calls.

'Oh.'

'I can leave. If you want.'

Always the southern gentleman. Always.

'It's fine, I was just about to get out anyway.'

I hear his boots on the floor as he walks over to the shower on the other side of the room. He can't see me; I can't see him. I hear the water turn on, and I hear him sigh.

I shut off the water, and walk over to my pile of clothes on the bench. I sit there in a towel.

'Pretty soon, it'll be too cold to shower in this water.' He calls over the hum and splash of the shower.

'No kidding.'

'Still, it is better than nothing.'

'You're telling me.'

All of our conversations were like this now. We were trying to be 'just friends'. We were trying to be hard to be something we weren't anymore.

I start to get dressed, pulling on my bra, panties, and jeans. I stand barefoot, and topless, hair dripping down my back, and I look in the small broken mirror on the wall, and the forming scar on my left shoulder.

In my own world, I don't hear his water turn off, and I'm surprised when I see him walking behind me in just a towel.

'Sorry, I didn't know-'

'It's okay.'

He keeps his head down and pushes past me, and I start to pull on my socks and boots, while I hear his jeans being zipped up.

I turn and look at him, holding his white t-shirt in his hands. We stare at each other, tension evident as he breaks the gaze to pull his shirt over his head.

'Okay, this is fucking ridiculous.'

I'm surprised by his words.

'What is?'

'Don't do that.'

'Do what?'

'That. Act like nothing is wrong with us. Act like you don't care.'

'I don't care? You can't even look at me, Rick.'

'And who's fault is that? I wanted this-' He motions to himself, than me. 'I wanted there to be an us, and what do I get? I get pushed away.'

'And what, you don't think I didn't want you? I was dealing with a lot, Rick.'

'I wasn't?' He puts his finger to his chest. 'Now what, Gwendolyn? Tell me.'

I bite my lip. 'I don't know.'

He looks defeated as he turns from me and begins putting on his socks. Then his boots. This is the first time we've really talked in months, and I'm blowing it - again.

He picks up his gun - same one he's always had, and without strapping it on, he walks past me.

'Rick, please.'

He ignores my plea.

'Wait!'

'What am I waiting for? Everyday I wait and wait for you and there's no end to it. Do you want me or not?!'

Hair wet and slicked back. Stuble thick across his jaw. Full lips and the most amazing eyes I've ever seen. He stands there, hoping for an answer, waiting, like he says he has been.

What am I waiting for? What am I doing? All I ever wanted is right in front of me.

I run to him, wrapping my arms around his neck, holding him tight. He pulls me back and pushes his lips against mine hard. There's not much speed to the kiss, but the passion, and intensity is enough to almost bring me to my knees. If he wasn't holding me so tightly, I'd swear I would fall.

He breaks the kiss almost too soon.

'Do you want me or not?' He repeats, this time breath short.

'Yes.'

With that being all he needs to hear, he lifts me up against the shower wall. And I'm not sure what happens exactly, but my back hits the sensitive tap, and water starts pouring down on us. Do I care? No. Does he? No.

He puts me down, but doesn't break the kiss, except for when his lips wander down my neck. I can't believe this is happening, but I don't think about it enough to really even doubt the fact that this is reality. He continues to kiss me, down my chest and across my cleavage. He slows down his kisses there, and slowly moves up to my shoulder, gently kissing my wound.

He pulls back and stares and me, breathing heavy. His eyes are shining, brighter than I've ever seen them. There's a hunger behind them, though, and I know I mirror his passion. He's worried he might go too far, that he might offend me, or that I might push him away.

I slip my hands under his wet shirt, feeling his bare stomach. I grab the hem of the wet material, and pull it over his head.

His lips hit mine again, and his fingers have little difficulty unhooking my bra, then unbuttoning my pants.

We stand naked, pushed up against each other, cold water raining down on our heads.

I feel him, hard against my leg, and before he can ask if I'm sure, I tell him I need him, every bit as much as he needs me. He lifts me, and I feel him enter. He closes his eyes, and softly moans. He's beautiful is the heat of this. And I just want to live in this moment forever.

'Rick..' I moan low and soft, in his ear, and it drives him wild. As he build up a rythym, I feel my heart beat quicken, and my breathing become heavy. 'Please, don't stop.'

I run my nails down his back. It'd been so long since I had been with someone, let alone someone his size, it was a little painful, but I didn't care. This was perfect.

Heat rising throughout my body, cries of pleasure getting louder, I let myself go minutes before he did.

'Gwen - Gwen.'

To hear him whisper my name, was more than I could ever ask for.

'I love you, Rick.'

'I love you, too.'


	13. AUTHORS NOTATION - PLEASE READ!

_**Author's Note.**_

* * *

_**Well, Faithfuls, I'm thinking that Chapter 12 may have been a goo place to end this tale. But don't fret my loves, FanFic456 will be writing more and more FF starring Mr Rick G.**_

_**Any chagrin? Or do ya'll think this is okay? **_

_**I'm genuinely intrigued.**_

_**Also I want to thank all of you, faithfuls for, well, faithfully loving this little hobby o' mine. You - ALL OF YOU - are super amazing and wonderful! I can't possibly thank you enough for all of the wonderful feedback! Keep it coming, gaiz and galz. You're so perfect; immaculate. (S Darko quote, don't mind me.)**_

_**Til next time,**_

_**FanFac456, the ever faithful, lovingly die hard lover of Le Rick FUCKING Grimes.**_

_**Ta ta. **_


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